It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
