He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So vagazzling was a success
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
