very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
