I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
