I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
