I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
