I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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