it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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