Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will pee on everything he values.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
