dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
