my phone cant type all the emotion im having
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
