i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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