ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
