I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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