is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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