Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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