in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
