Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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