I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
