Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
