hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
