I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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