I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
