To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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