Ambien. No doubt about it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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