Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Are we still banned from the library?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drunk is not a location!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
