I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
