is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
