omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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