I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
