I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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