Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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