I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm too high and old for this...
These tits shall not be calmed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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