Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
