I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
