i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
