Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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