I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
