that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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