he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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