He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
