You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this just has baby written all over it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
