If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
