Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
