I heard we made out
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
