oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
