So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
