go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
