Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
