I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
