Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
