Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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