I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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