so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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